I pick up the phone, I'm dialing your number
While I pray you're at home, at home and alone
cause I can't function on my own
And I'll never stop believing
The reapwork is done. you are the one
The radio is on but sound is all gone
And I wanna walk out in the sun
But lately that's been very hard to do
I've got a thing about you
And I don't really know what you do
cause I've got a thing about you, hey you
I pick up the phone, I'm dailing that number
And my heart like a stone waits for the tone.
Oh, I can't make it on my own,
And I'll never stop believing.
I know what is right and this is so wrong
Alone in my bed, better off on my own
The tv is on, but the colours are gone
And lately you've been painting my world blue
I've got a thing about you
(I've got a thing about you)
And I don't really care what you do
I've got a thing about you
(I've got a thing about you)
Hey you
I've got a thing about you
I've got a thing about you-ou-ou-ou
Lately you've been painting my world blue
I've got a thing about you...
I've got a thing about you...
And I don't really know what to do
Thursday, December 25, 2008
冷静
前天下午五点就开始打电话给你直到昨天傍晚七点半，你终于接听我电话了。我简直不相信自己终于可以听到你的声音，因为超过一天了。我真得很生气，为什么我最心爱的人竟然要我打了超过一天的电话，他才肯接听我的电话。我实在太生气和失望，不知自己说了什么难听的话来骂你。对不起，请原谅我。昨天晚上我真的很想跟你聊天，但是你却寄个信息来说你很累，没有力气聊天了，明天才聊好吗？我的眼泪慢慢流下来，有希望就会失望。哈哈哈。。。我真的活该！
凌晨两点五十一分，我终于睡着了。当自己冷静下来时，心情真的好了很多。十二点半至两点半，我冷静下来想一想我们为何会这样。其实是我的错，你二十七年来第一次拍拖，我应该多体谅和了解你。我们很少见面，见了也只是在超级市场牵手和抱腰。这样的拍拖方式简直给不了你什么美好和甜蜜的回忆。其实我真得很想过去槟城陪你几天，但是我真的有心而力不足。靠电话来沟通的我们，往往都会有点问题，但是这是唯一的方法。如果很少沟通的话，感情就开始恶化。希望我们的缘分还很长，让我能好好地去爱你和照顾你。
最好的园丁
你还记得你说过的话吗？你说你想要一个机会，你会尽量去做一个最好的园丁。你说如果你办不到的话，你会跳下槟威大桥。当时我有感情问题，我说我的心和感情就像枯萎的花，很快就会谢了。你说你会好好地照顾这朵花，你会时常施肥和浇水，让花不但能继续活下去还会长得更美。你说你只要这朵花。刚开始的时候，我很担心因为这两年来我一直想最爱我的人只有一个，别人是不会珍惜我。当时你一直说选了你后，我是永远不会“亏本”的。你还说我们很适合对方，你不想再找别的女人了。 你说因为我需要安全感，结婚是唯一的办法，所以你要娶我。我还问你，你不怕这样做会毁了你一生。你还说就算有一天我要离婚，你也不怕。如果你父母不喜欢我的话，你愿意永远不娶老婆。我好喜欢你那时的认真和诚意。但是一个月多后，你好像变了。我开玩笑说要注册，你就担心这个那个了。你还担心结婚后，才发现我们不适合在一起。哈哈哈。。。你还说你心中好像有一根刺全都是因为你上次做了第三者，所以我们不会有好结果。有时想得太多不是件好事，船到桥头自然会直。
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tired
I feel very tired & bored today. I don't want to call anybody anymore. I am also lazy to send sms. I slept back around 7am+ & woke up twice. Before I sleep back, I cried. hahaha... Actually, cry is good at least can release some of my stress out because everytime after I cried, I feel better. Great! When I woke up, I really feel better. I had a weird dream this morning. In my dream, I saw a big & long snake on the top of a tree which is very near to my grandma's house. Scary. White Anaconda. hahahaha... Everybody is running away but my grandpa said this is small matter. When the snake tried to attack him. He hold the snake's head, the snake get mad and became very fierce. I heard grandpa talked to the snake while his hand is on the top of the snake's head. The snake became tame & go away. Wow, anaconda can understand Siamese Language. hahaha... funny.
Ellan called just now said he just created his own blog but I had forgotten to ask him what is the address so that I can take a look of it. He said he posted some of his love poems in his blog. He is kind and cute. Thanks a lots, Ellan. Albert just left me a messenge in msn said he really enjoy playing sms with Lee Yeng. Lee Yeng also thanks me for introduced Albert to her. Hahaha... Great! I know Albert always can make people happy. I always non-stop laughing if I talk to him. Even after I hang up the phone, sometimes when I think of what he said, I will still laugh. Oppps... Sometimes I just smile, hopefully nobody realize that.
I miss my koon koon. Sigh. I wondering why I can't reach him since yesterday evening. May be his relative came to his house. May be he leaves his handphone in his room because he is too busy helping his family. May be he needs to clean his house, since it is very big so it will take a long time to finish cleaning. Hmmm... I don't know. He didn't tell me anything about it. He must be very tired. So, pity my koon koon.
Waiting & Waiting
Waiting is suffering. I was waiting for his call or sms last night until I fall asleep. I woke up at 4am+, picked up my phone and checked but there is no sms from him. May be he was very busy & tired last night and he didn't know that I am waiting for the call that he had promised me or at least a sms of "Sorry, too busy. I miss you so much." hahaha... Actually, it is not hard to type a few words of sms. Sigh. It's ok. Never mind. hahaha...
Today is Christmas. I think I will sleep back later after I read the newspaper online. I miss him but he will be very busy for another 3 days. Hmmm... hahaha...What should I do? It had been a long time I didn't sit down and watch television. I think I am lack of entertainment. Hmmm... I think I want to go to buy some books soon. It had been a long time I didn't read books. Very bored. Sigh. I am very tired and sleepy now. I need to continue my Zzzzz.... very very soon and waiting while sleeping can decrease the suffering level. hahaha... What a good idea.
Unhappy Day
Today I am not happy. I feel very disappointed until my tears almost fall down for 3 times. When I am stress with my work, I can't think very positively. I called my "gardener" I think for more than 40 times. He sms back said, "sorry, very busy now. Call u back soon." This is second time, I keep calling him and he didn't pick up the phone. First time when it happened, I felt very worried because he was in Penang alone. I didn't feel worry today because he is at home with his family. For whole my life, if I am not mistaken I never keep calling people until that person gives respond. Normally I just call once or twice if the person didn't pick up the phone, I wont call back already. I can't reach him yet until now. My heart and body feel very tired. Sigh. How is the feeling if you really need him but he is not only can't meet you but he also can't talk to you? The heart feels very painful which is deep inside there. hahahaha... When I feel very sad or disappointed, I will laugh and laugh. Laugh at myself. hahahahaha... I feel like I started to get confused about LOVE.
When you are unhappy, can you be understanding? I feel hard to do that. I started to shout and looking for other people so that I can swift my attention away from him. I feel better for a while but I started to miss him. A man who never has gf needs to learn a lot of things and adapt with the relationship. Don't know why I feel like it's hard for him to do that. hahahahaha...The more I laugh, the more painful my heart is. I feel very sleepy now. I wish I can hear his voice before I fall asleep but I don't think he will call me tonight. When you contribute more in your relationship, don't ever expect people will do the same to you. If not, you will feel like what I feel now. Zzzzzzzzz...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Flash Back
It had been a long time I didn't write here in my blog. I started to create blog all because of my "gardener". He started to write blog about 6 months ago, then he asked me to write blog too. Actually, I was very lazy to write because nobody will read my blog except him. After my "gardener" became my bf, he deleted his blog. Sigh. Actually, I love to read his blog although I was so jealous when he wrote about woman that he liked. He is on the way back here now. I think he will reach at his house around midnight. I can't meet him during Christmas because he will be very busy for 3 days. Sigh. Actually, I just met him on 7 Dec 2008. Oh my god! That was 16 days ago! Wow, I feel like I didn't meet him for months. I must be crazy. hahaha...
I still remember about what he "offered" to me before I went to Penang on 23 Oct 2008. He said if he has chance to be my "gardener", he will try his best to take a very good care of me. He will come back to meet me every month, he will buy car so that it will be convenient to come back here but sometimes he also will take bus since the fuel price was very high during that time. During my official trip to Penang, I met him on 24 Oct, we went for dinner and shopping for a very short while. I met him on 25 Oct, we were so lucky, although that day was weekend but we still can get a karaoke room in RED BOX! It had been more than 2 years I didn't go to sing karaoke. That was my first time sing in RED BOX. We had buffet dinner but I don't really have appetite to eat during that time. Actually, it was a bit weird to sit in a karaoke room with a man who is not my bf but slowly we feel comfortable with each other and enjoy our singing. I never imagine how is his voice when he is singing. I thought he will just simply sing same like my other friends but that night I really surprised that he really can sing well and I like his voice. He also surprised that I don't just sit there but I can sing too. That night, I feel he likes me but I just kept quiet and pretended that I don't know anything about his feeling.
On 26 Oct, he called me. I said I have to meet my close friend in the evening and he agreed to meet me after I met my close friend. It was around 10pm, he reached and picked me up. Since there was nowhere to go, we went to the beach nearby. We walked a bit far from each other. We sat down beside the sea and talked. I was thinking that he likes me but I felt that it is not so good to ask him directly. So, I changed the question. I asked, "Why you came to meet me eventhough you are staying far away?" He kept quiet for a while and answered, "because I like you." I felt like I was dreaming. May be because it was very late already and I was very tired since I had been working very hard during daytime. Then, I was so confused and dizzy. I said I had forgotten that I still have bf. He was so disappointed. We hold hands, I said actually I really like him. I was so happy because the man that I like has the same feeling to me.
On 27 Oct, we had breakfast together. The breakfast tasted bad but we felt so sweet when holding hands. He was very happy. I never see him looks very happy like that before this. I also felt very happy, I felt like a secondary school student who just started to involve in relationship. I left Penang in the afternoon and I reached here at night. My bf had been waited for me at my work place for many hours. When I saw him, I felt like came back to my normal life. When I was on the way back to my house, I was very tired since I walked up and down and carried a lot of heavy things. I tried to forget "gardener" because my bf kept telling me how much he missed me and how terrible his life without me for a few days. He helped me a lot when I reached at my work place. I felt thankful to him. Althought I was very disappointed with my bf but it was very hard to leave him. I can't blame him because I know I just can blame myself. I was very wrong. I am the person who pampered him too much. I made him became very depending on me. I planned everything for our future. Sigh.
I still remember about what he "offered" to me before I went to Penang on 23 Oct 2008. He said if he has chance to be my "gardener", he will try his best to take a very good care of me. He will come back to meet me every month, he will buy car so that it will be convenient to come back here but sometimes he also will take bus since the fuel price was very high during that time. During my official trip to Penang, I met him on 24 Oct, we went for dinner and shopping for a very short while. I met him on 25 Oct, we were so lucky, although that day was weekend but we still can get a karaoke room in RED BOX! It had been more than 2 years I didn't go to sing karaoke. That was my first time sing in RED BOX. We had buffet dinner but I don't really have appetite to eat during that time. Actually, it was a bit weird to sit in a karaoke room with a man who is not my bf but slowly we feel comfortable with each other and enjoy our singing. I never imagine how is his voice when he is singing. I thought he will just simply sing same like my other friends but that night I really surprised that he really can sing well and I like his voice. He also surprised that I don't just sit there but I can sing too. That night, I feel he likes me but I just kept quiet and pretended that I don't know anything about his feeling.
On 26 Oct, he called me. I said I have to meet my close friend in the evening and he agreed to meet me after I met my close friend. It was around 10pm, he reached and picked me up. Since there was nowhere to go, we went to the beach nearby. We walked a bit far from each other. We sat down beside the sea and talked. I was thinking that he likes me but I felt that it is not so good to ask him directly. So, I changed the question. I asked, "Why you came to meet me eventhough you are staying far away?" He kept quiet for a while and answered, "because I like you." I felt like I was dreaming. May be because it was very late already and I was very tired since I had been working very hard during daytime. Then, I was so confused and dizzy. I said I had forgotten that I still have bf. He was so disappointed. We hold hands, I said actually I really like him. I was so happy because the man that I like has the same feeling to me.
On 27 Oct, we had breakfast together. The breakfast tasted bad but we felt so sweet when holding hands. He was very happy. I never see him looks very happy like that before this. I also felt very happy, I felt like a secondary school student who just started to involve in relationship. I left Penang in the afternoon and I reached here at night. My bf had been waited for me at my work place for many hours. When I saw him, I felt like came back to my normal life. When I was on the way back to my house, I was very tired since I walked up and down and carried a lot of heavy things. I tried to forget "gardener" because my bf kept telling me how much he missed me and how terrible his life without me for a few days. He helped me a lot when I reached at my work place. I felt thankful to him. Althought I was very disappointed with my bf but it was very hard to leave him. I can't blame him because I know I just can blame myself. I was very wrong. I am the person who pampered him too much. I made him became very depending on me. I planned everything for our future. Sigh.
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