Today I am not happy. I feel very disappointed until my tears almost fall down for 3 times. When I am stress with my work, I can't think very positively. I called my "gardener" I think for more than 40 times. He sms back said, "sorry, very busy now. Call u back soon." This is second time, I keep calling him and he didn't pick up the phone. First time when it happened, I felt very worried because he was in Penang alone. I didn't feel worry today because he is at home with his family. For whole my life, if I am not mistaken I never keep calling people until that person gives respond. Normally I just call once or twice if the person didn't pick up the phone, I wont call back already. I can't reach him yet until now. My heart and body feel very tired. Sigh. How is the feeling if you really need him but he is not only can't meet you but he also can't talk to you? The heart feels very painful which is deep inside there. hahahaha... When I feel very sad or disappointed, I will laugh and laugh. Laugh at myself. hahahahaha... I feel like I started to get confused about LOVE.
When you are unhappy, can you be understanding? I feel hard to do that. I started to shout and looking for other people so that I can swift my attention away from him. I feel better for a while but I started to miss him. A man who never has gf needs to learn a lot of things and adapt with the relationship. Don't know why I feel like it's hard for him to do that. hahahahaha...The more I laugh, the more painful my heart is. I feel very sleepy now. I wish I can hear his voice before I fall asleep but I don't think he will call me tonight. When you contribute more in your relationship, don't ever expect people will do the same to you. If not, you will feel like what I feel now. Zzzzzzzzz...
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