Monday, December 29, 2008

巨蟹座终极完美分析

巨蟹是心软的,容易被感动,即使表面看起来总是有一副硬硬的壳,但那壳子底下是一颗柔软敏感到极至的内心。它们面对一份感情是犹豫再三的,不要说它们懦弱,它们只是明白自己是容易受伤的。他们对感情抱有信仰,相信纯真、相信天长地久,所以有时是挑剔的。
这是一层表面坚硬的壳,其实攻克轻而易举,因为蟹蟹有一颗柔软的心。 蟹蟹恋爱了,这时的它们变的很粘人,很婆妈,因为你是它的中心,它会为你考虑很多,饭吃了吗?天气会变了吗?记得带伞哦!路上车多,慢点走哦!……..诸如此类!
蟹蟹是深情而痴情的,爱上一个人会爱的很深,即使明知道没有结果也很难自拔。这是巨蟹的一种固执,想要得到的东西,往往不会轻易放手。有时,一段没有结果的恋情会成为蟹蟹的生活重心。这无疑是痛苦的,但又难以自拔。然而,巨蟹的不安全感又在内心大叫着放弃,所以这时的蟹蟹总是在坚持和放弃的巨大矛盾中苦苦煎熬着。学会放弃是蟹蟹的一门功课.
当然,如果蟹蟹真的决定放弃了,它的坚决会让所有人吃惊。 要记住:除了你自己,没有人可以伤害到你 蟹子是痴情的,但又不善于表达,面对自己心爱的人拘谨、放不开。它们的幽默感此刻变得生涩。 蟹子是深情的,但又不善于把握,为什么一次次控制不住自己的情绪,说出明知不该讲的话?
分裂而善于幻想的寄居蟹在说巨蟹之前,先说说几个一直以来欣赏的几个偶像,他们都不同,但他们有一个共同点,就是,他们都是巨蟹男。周星驰,王家卫,罗大佑,李宗盛,梁朝伟,张学友……一般在每次排行榜中总是靠末的巨蟹们,看起来并没有很明显的个性,但是,他们在艺术方面的直觉和敏锐却是别人难以匹敌,从这几个人名里就不难看出。他们在生活中都是温文尔雅的,被动的,甚至往往是沉默的,但是在他们的电影,歌曲中,却展露出令人惊异的才华,让我们总是不由自主的为之倾倒。当周星驰让我们笑得泪水横流的时候,我们也早听闻其实戏外的他认真严肃,不苟言笑,对待朋友和情人都很苛刻;我们知道在戏里演什么都神形毕似的影帝梁朝伟同性格南辕北辙的射手刘嘉玲20多年同居,至今都不愿结婚,他总是说,其实他的人生就是在戏里;我们知道张学友出道前曾经是黑社会的小混混,天天宿醉,自暴自弃,也看到张学友成名后依然为了家庭拼命打拼,几近崩溃……   
这就是巨蟹,其实,最能说明巨蟹特质的,就是--分裂无论是哪一种蟹,他们都有着分裂的思想。他们渴望安定,也渴望出人头地,他们内心充满艺术的灵感,夸张的幻象,但是在现实生活中,他们总是低眉顺眼,很难真正展露心中的狂想。所以在艺术的舞台上,他们反而得以施展,让心中奇异的狂想放大到极致,他们可以将任何一首歌一个角色演绎的入木三分,所有来自于生活中被动的接受,在艺术的殿堂上得到了最好的宣泄,所以巨蟹真的应该属于舞台。即使没有好的歌喉没有好的外形,但是他们有良好的感受力和表现力,他们的性格实际上更像是一只寄居蟹,在真正自我的生活中,他们常常将自己包裹的很紧,但在诠释和演绎别人的时候,他们那内心的感情得到了释放。
巨蟹座的另一个长处是他们有着哲学的思考力世界因两股力量相互消长,而水象就是典型的阴柔之力。水象星座的人有一种天生的宇宙观,巨蟹也是如此,加之他们天生有母爱的情结,所以他们的思考往往带有着人性化的关怀。所以从事与艺术相关的行业的巨蟹,无论如何都可以算是幸运的巨蟹,因为能够得以发挥天然的性格所长。但是不是每个巨蟹都有这样的机会,所以大多数巨蟹都会感到自己的压抑和痛苦。他们不是没有渴望,相反他们需求很多,渴望很多,但是他们总是躲在自己的壳里做着各式各样的幻梦,只是在想,很少实施。所以如果你看到的总是低眉顺眼的巨蟹实际上并不是真正的巨蟹。那只是巨蟹的一个假象。   
永远无法抹去的自卑巨蟹们其实是自我感觉很好的心高气傲的一群人,但是却又难以克服时时刻刻想躲进壳里的自卑感。他们天生多疑和敏感,碰到困难,就先躲进壳里,自欺欺人,在梦中编织自我的安全感,而从来没有想到如何主动将危机转化为机遇。他们对待困难的消极方式,使他们总很难真正木秀于林,他们总在捕捉他们认为最好的时机,但是那个时机却总是无法到来,其实世间哪有万全之策?当蟹蟹们艰苦的自我互博之时,大好时机已经失去。但是要改变这种天生的自卑感确乎很难,蟹蟹们几乎完全不由自主。
怀旧是巨蟹们的人生主旋律巨蟹们非常怀旧。他们喜欢旧东西,怀恋旧感情,对家庭有着天然的眷恋。泛黄的相片,褪色的丝带,尘封的梳妆台……所有一切带有浪漫情调的旧物,都可以让他们独自神伤,黯然追想,他们总是沉浸在过去的回忆里,永远记得年少时的孤寂敏感,永远记得初恋情人,多年后仍然四处找寻初恋情人的消息,慰籍多年来始终保持新鲜的记忆。所以王家卫的电影总喜欢用这样的句式开头:多年以后……   
忽冷忽热患得患失的爱情他们天生悲观,永远需要多一点,更多一点的安全感。为什么他们如此需要安全感,因为他们天生就没有安全感,所以他们是很容易恐慌的,所以他们也就变得非常的多疑和猜忌。爱上一个巨蟹是要仔细思量的,因为他们会突然忽冷忽热,突然置之不理,突然恶言相向,但是其实他们并非不爱你,他们有时候是在跟自己呕气。他们渴望天天24小时同你粘在一起,他们对爱人有着强烈的占有欲,恨不得掏心掏肺给你,他们关注你的点点滴滴,小到为你买一支发卡,大到帮你选择哪路公车……他们都费劲心思,他们时时刻刻每件事都为你考量,但又因为付出的不停增加而变得越来越担心害怕,会不会得不到对等的爱。所以他们会突然变得冷淡了,也许只因为你一个眼神,他们就觉得你已经不如从前,于是开始无休止的试探,他们说话总是转弯抹角,但是却总希望你永远清晰表态,假设某天你也含糊了一下,那就完了,蟹蟹们立刻条件反射的开始惴想出无数个虚拟场景,在无尽的悲观中,意淫出种种悲惨场面,然后再见你时,就已经是冷口冷面,甚至说出无比绝情的话语--所以,你和巨蟹的他们,是要努力去磨合的,给他们足够的信赖和安全,他们回馈你的,绝对让你感动的热泪盈眶。   
虚伪包装下易感的心实际上巨蟹善于伪装。他们喜欢笑,无论何时何地,他们常常微笑,也许这笑容有时候让人欣慰,但有时候却会让人感到非常的虚伪。当然巨蟹们也总有自己的小奸小坏,但是他们虚伪的前提却总是先为了保护自己。他们对自己应得的利益是淄铢必较,有时候会让人感到他们是不是很小心眼,但是,在朋友聚会等场合上,他们又绝对是豪爽大方,主动抢着付账的人。所以其实巨蟹是个公私概念很明确的人,他们对该得的绝对毫不客气,而对待朋友,他们又觉得其实这点钱根本不算什么。他们是眷恋朋友和家人的,他们基本都有些喜欢酒。而且酒量都还不错,因为他们眷恋那种宾客相尽欢的气氛,更眷恋着家的和乐融洽之感。所以巨蟹们喜欢做饭,即使不会做饭也对美食有天然偏爱,他们懂得享受居家生活,所以巨蟹们有个理想婚姻是最快乐的事情。问题是巨蟹们却常常选择晚婚或不结婚,因为他们多疑又害怕,他们总是对新幻境充满怀疑,对新的家庭又向往又拒绝,在自我矛盾中,不断蹉跎了年华。   
自己为自己创造安定感觉巨蟹们总是不安,这是一种不好的感觉,因为如此,许多巨蟹枉然蹉跎,终日郁郁。其实,巨蟹们可以尝试自己为自己创造安定的感觉。找一个家里人都喜欢的对象,建立一个自己的家,也许巨蟹会发现自己会变得安稳很多。找个摩羯是比较理想的选择。或者找一个自己的爱好,倾注所有的心血,自己也会变得安定很多。当然蟹蟹们也许会说,你这是站着说话不腰疼啊,要是那么容易的话,还用得着你说吗?呵。但是,无论怎样,当我们自己意识到自己的不安,就该努力去克服他,其实壳外的世界,没有那么可怕,这是真的。   
总的说来,巨蟹们很可爱,尤其是在艺术上有成就的那些人,他们创造的都是令人仰止的丰碑,所以巨蟹们不必没来由自卑,其实你们都很出色。

Sunday, December 28, 2008

恢复正常

最近工作很不开心又很压力,所以我很想跟我心爱的人诉苦。但是刚好他非常忙,没有什么时间打电话给我和回复我的信息。这几天我想我真的发疯了,讲话语无伦次,自问自答,乱发脾气,到最后没有吃东西害自己差点晕倒。我想我从来没有这样爱过一个人,感觉好像第一次谈恋爱。我好像不知该怎么做,再加上最近不是很清醒,我竟然惹了他。我不是一个会讲话的女人,我想我应该伤了他的心。老公,对不起,我知错了。我想我应该好好的检讨自己,我想我的态度越来越差了。下次要多点去体谅别人,不要胡思乱想,不要时常说失望和掉眼泪。不要时常去打扰别人,别人也有自己的烦恼。最近一边驾车一边唱歌,发现这样可以减少压力。星期五终于涂上面膜,昨晚还用了护肤品呢!自从十月尾分手后,我根本没有去仔细看看我的脸,更何况去护理它。今早我看了镜子才发现自己老了,皮肤也不是很好。哈哈哈。。。
天空又下大雨了,希望老公睡得好,有盖着被。今天中午老公又得回去槟城做工了,希望他快点病好,身体健康的话,工作自然顺利。

20 30 40

說什麼 已經習慣寂寞 你有沒有搞錯 除了工作還是工作
搞什麼 你在替我難過 你還嫌我囉唆 你這叫做什麼生活
一個人 心裡都想戀愛 真的機會一來 扭扭捏捏不肯放開
空等待 等到臉色發白 等到姑媽不來 求求你就不要再裝乖
女人若是想要活得精采 自己要明白 這是一個需要主動 幸福自己找的時代

別怕愛會帶你去哪邊 鼓起勇氣 愛一個人就是起點
擔心明天是浪費時間 愛就繼續冒險 不愛就說再見
Take it on 放輕鬆 Take it on 放輕鬆 Take it on

不要怕 越愛膽子越大 要把心情放開 大大聲聲的說出來
很奇怪 不說我會悶壞 規則隨便你改 女人越壞男人越愛
一個人 心裡都想戀愛 真的機會一來 扭扭捏捏不肯放開
空等待 等到臉色發白 等到姑媽不來 求求你就不要再裝乖
女人若是想要活得精采 一定要明白 這是一個需要主動 幸福自己找的時代

別怕愛會帶你去哪邊 鼓起勇氣 愛一個人就是起點
擔心明天是浪費時間 愛就繼續冒險 不愛就說再見

不要再裝乖 女人若是想要 活得精采
一定要明白 這是一個需要主動 幸福自己找的時代

別怕愛會帶你去哪邊 鼓起勇氣 愛一個人就是起點
擔心明天是浪費時間 愛就繼續冒險 不愛就說再見
別怕愛會帶你去哪邊 鼓起勇氣 愛一個人就是起點
擔心明天是浪費時間 愛就繼續冒險 不愛就說再見
Take it on 放輕鬆 Take it on 放輕鬆 放輕鬆

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (published in May 1992) is a book by John Gray offering many suggestions for improving husband-wife relationships by understanding the communication style and emotional needs of the opposite gender.

The point system
Gray suggests that men and women count (or score) the giving and receiving of love differently. For men, they tend to give larger blocks of points (20, 30, 40 points etc.) whereas for women they give each act of love one point at a time.
Men and women each monitor the amount of give and take in a relationship and if the balance becomes off and one person feels they have given more than they have been given to, resentment flu develops. This is a time when communication is very important to help bring the relationship back into balance.
Example: A man might count a $200 present as 20 points, but a woman will count each individual piece of the present as 1 point each. For her, the total sum of points comes from the present as a whole. For example, the different parts of the environment where the present is given each get 1 point (candles, music, privacy, location etc.) the card gets 1 point, the flowers get 1 point, the gift wrap gets 1 point and the gift itself gets 1 point. Their totals may even out to be the same, but it's the act of scoring that is different.
The emotional stroke delivered by the sincere attention is as important as the value of the item. This can lead to conflict when a man thinks his work has earned 20 points and deserves appropriate recognition while the female has only given him 1 point and recognizes him accordingly.

The cave and the wave
Another major point of Gray's books are the differences in the way they react under stress. He believes that many men withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. He refers to this as "retreating into their cave." In some cases they may literally retreat, for example, to the garage or spend time with friends. The point of retreating is to take time to determine a solution. What is known is that men in their caves are not necessarily focused on the problem at hand, many times this is a "time-out" of sorts to allow them to distance themselves from the problems so their brains can focus on something else. This allows them to revisit the problem later with a fresh perspective.
This has historically been hard for women to understand because when they are stressed their natural reaction is to talk about issues in order to find a solution. This leads to a natural dynamic of the man retreating as the woman tries to grow closer. This becomes a major source of conflict between any man and woman.
The wave is a natural cycle for women that is centered around their abilities to give to other people. When they feel full of love and energy to give to others their wave is in a stable place. As they give to others (and don't receive the same amount of love and attention given to them in return) their wave begins to grow until it eventually crashes. This is a time when a women feels she has nothing else to give to those in her life and she needs the love of those around her (including self love) to help come out of this dark place. Once she is rejuvenated (by getting the support she needs) she is able to pop out of this dark place and once again has love and energy to give.
As one reviewer put it:
When men go into their cave, they are actually going through a phase of their relationship with a woman, when they want to be left alone. Any woman who has wondered why a boyfriend is not emailing/calling/messaging/meeting her will know what it feels like to be shut out of the cave. Women and 'the wave' is a concept [which] means that women go through periodic phases when they are unable to keep up their spirits without help and assistance from understanding men. At such times, 'the wave' crashes, and it needs to be given love and reassurance to rise up again with its usual confidence.

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Saturday, December 27, 2008

想见你,没有你

今晚八点多,你打电话给我。我好惊喜,我好开心,至少你心中还有我。但是你却说你要睡觉了,你病了。明年不能过来见我。无所谓,不要紧。但是说真的,我听后我整个晚上觉得要晕倒的感觉。我开始有预感你好像变了,我希望这个预感不会成真。我很想哭出来,但是我太累了。下次吧!哈哈哈哈。。。也许我太敏感,我太不体谅你。我的错。我活该。我恨我自己。

没有感觉的日子

今天我觉得很累,应该是因为这几天睡得不好吧!今天我有去做工,用了六个小时,没有时间去想太多。因为我做工的时候,就算我非常伤心或非常失望,我都会暂时把它忘掉。今天又下雨了,通常下雨会影响我的心情,因为下雨就好像天空在哭泣,我看了会想起一些不开心的事,心情自然会变差。但是现在我没有这样的感觉,我好像失去感觉。 哈哈哈。。。
其实这几天我在想,也许我太不体谅他。昨晚我很想八点或九点就睡觉,因为我太累了。但是睡前我打了电话给他。其实我是带着没有希望的心情来打电话,因为这几天打了很多很多次他也不接电听。我好像傻傻的打电话罢了,有没有接听也无所谓。但是昨晚他竟然打电话给我,听起来很冷淡的声音让我想他是不是不再爱我了。但是今天我不想去想这些事,爱不爱我都无所谓了。爱我的话,我自然很开心;不爱我的话,难道我要去强逼他。我已经告诉他我的感受,我已经告诉他一个男友应该做的事:做人要有交待,沟通很重要。他有没有听得到,听得明白,我就不清楚。我很不想分手,不想再伤心。

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Follow Me

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why, you can't turn around and say good-bye
all you know is when i'm with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singing....

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

I'm not worried 'bout the ring you wear
Cause as long as no one knows
Then nobody can care
You're feelin' guilty
And I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed
And baby I'm not scared
I'm singing...

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Won't give you money
I can't give you the sky
You're better off if you don't ask why
I'm not the reason that you go astray and
We'll be alright if you don't ask me to stay

I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why, you can't turn around and say good-bye
all you know is when I'm with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea

I'm singing....
Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me
I'm singing

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me
I'm singing

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

A Thing About You

I pick up the phone, I'm dialing your number
While I pray you're at home, at home and alone
cause I can't function on my own
And I'll never stop believing

The reapwork is done. you are the one
The radio is on but sound is all gone
And I wanna walk out in the sun
But lately that's been very hard to do

I've got a thing about you
And I don't really know what you do
cause I've got a thing about you, hey you

I pick up the phone, I'm dailing that number
And my heart like a stone waits for the tone.
Oh, I can't make it on my own,
And I'll never stop believing.

I know what is right and this is so wrong
Alone in my bed, better off on my own
The tv is on, but the colours are gone
And lately you've been painting my world blue

I've got a thing about you
(I've got a thing about you)
And I don't really care what you do
I've got a thing about you
(I've got a thing about you)
Hey you

I've got a thing about you
I've got a thing about you-ou-ou-ou

Lately you've been painting my world blue

I've got a thing about you...
I've got a thing about you...
And I don't really know what to do

冷静

前天下午五点就开始打电话给你直到昨天傍晚七点半,你终于接听我电话了。我简直不相信自己终于可以听到你的声音,因为超过一天了。我真得很生气,为什么我最心爱的人竟然要我打了超过一天的电话,他才肯接听我的电话。我实在太生气和失望,不知自己说了什么难听的话来骂你。对不起,请原谅我。昨天晚上我真的很想跟你聊天,但是你却寄个信息来说你很累,没有力气聊天了,明天才聊好吗?我的眼泪慢慢流下来,有希望就会失望。哈哈哈。。。我真的活该!
凌晨两点五十一分,我终于睡着了。当自己冷静下来时,心情真的好了很多。十二点半至两点半,我冷静下来想一想我们为何会这样。其实是我的错,你二十七年来第一次拍拖,我应该多体谅和了解你。我们很少见面,见了也只是在超级市场牵手和抱腰。这样的拍拖方式简直给不了你什么美好和甜蜜的回忆。其实我真得很想过去槟城陪你几天,但是我真的有心而力不足。靠电话来沟通的我们,往往都会有点问题,但是这是唯一的方法。如果很少沟通的话,感情就开始恶化。希望我们的缘分还很长,让我能好好地去爱你和照顾你。

最好的园丁

你还记得你说过的话吗?你说你想要一个机会,你会尽量去做一个最好的园丁。你说如果你办不到的话,你会跳下槟威大桥。当时我有感情问题,我说我的心和感情就像枯萎的花,很快就会谢了。你说你会好好地照顾这朵花,你会时常施肥和浇水,让花不但能继续活下去还会长得更美。你说你只要这朵花。刚开始的时候,我很担心因为这两年来我一直想最爱我的人只有一个,别人是不会珍惜我。当时你一直说选了你后,我是永远不会“亏本”的。你还说我们很适合对方,你不想再找别的女人了。 你说因为我需要安全感,结婚是唯一的办法,所以你要娶我。我还问你,你不怕这样做会毁了你一生。你还说就算有一天我要离婚,你也不怕。如果你父母不喜欢我的话,你愿意永远不娶老婆。我好喜欢你那时的认真和诚意。但是一个月多后,你好像变了。我开玩笑说要注册,你就担心这个那个了。你还担心结婚后,才发现我们不适合在一起。哈哈哈。。。你还说你心中好像有一根刺全都是因为你上次做了第三者,所以我们不会有好结果。有时想得太多不是件好事,船到桥头自然会直。

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Tired

I feel very tired & bored today. I don't want to call anybody anymore. I am also lazy to send sms. I slept back around 7am+ & woke up twice. Before I sleep back, I cried. hahaha... Actually, cry is good at least can release some of my stress out because everytime after I cried, I feel better. Great! When I woke up, I really feel better. I had a weird dream this morning. In my dream, I saw a big & long snake on the top of a tree which is very near to my grandma's house. Scary. White Anaconda. hahahaha... Everybody is running away but my grandpa said this is small matter. When the snake tried to attack him. He hold the snake's head, the snake get mad and became very fierce. I heard grandpa talked to the snake while his hand is on the top of the snake's head. The snake became tame & go away. Wow, anaconda can understand Siamese Language. hahaha... funny.
Ellan called just now said he just created his own blog but I had forgotten to ask him what is the address so that I can take a look of it. He said he posted some of his love poems in his blog. He is kind and cute. Thanks a lots, Ellan. Albert just left me a messenge in msn said he really enjoy playing sms with Lee Yeng. Lee Yeng also thanks me for introduced Albert to her. Hahaha... Great! I know Albert always can make people happy. I always non-stop laughing if I talk to him. Even after I hang up the phone, sometimes when I think of what he said, I will still laugh. Oppps... Sometimes I just smile, hopefully nobody realize that.
I miss my koon koon. Sigh. I wondering why I can't reach him since yesterday evening. May be his relative came to his house. May be he leaves his handphone in his room because he is too busy helping his family. May be he needs to clean his house, since it is very big so it will take a long time to finish cleaning. Hmmm... I don't know. He didn't tell me anything about it. He must be very tired. So, pity my koon koon.

Waiting & Waiting

Waiting is suffering. I was waiting for his call or sms last night until I fall asleep. I woke up at 4am+, picked up my phone and checked but there is no sms from him. May be he was very busy & tired last night and he didn't know that I am waiting for the call that he had promised me or at least a sms of "Sorry, too busy. I miss you so much." hahaha... Actually, it is not hard to type a few words of sms. Sigh. It's ok. Never mind. hahaha...
Today is Christmas. I think I will sleep back later after I read the newspaper online. I miss him but he will be very busy for another 3 days. Hmmm... hahaha...What should I do? It had been a long time I didn't sit down and watch television. I think I am lack of entertainment. Hmmm... I think I want to go to buy some books soon. It had been a long time I didn't read books. Very bored. Sigh. I am very tired and sleepy now. I need to continue my Zzzzz.... very very soon and waiting while sleeping can decrease the suffering level. hahaha... What a good idea.

Unhappy Day

Today I am not happy. I feel very disappointed until my tears almost fall down for 3 times. When I am stress with my work, I can't think very positively. I called my "gardener" I think for more than 40 times. He sms back said, "sorry, very busy now. Call u back soon." This is second time, I keep calling him and he didn't pick up the phone. First time when it happened, I felt very worried because he was in Penang alone. I didn't feel worry today because he is at home with his family. For whole my life, if I am not mistaken I never keep calling people until that person gives respond. Normally I just call once or twice if the person didn't pick up the phone, I wont call back already. I can't reach him yet until now. My heart and body feel very tired. Sigh. How is the feeling if you really need him but he is not only can't meet you but he also can't talk to you? The heart feels very painful which is deep inside there. hahahaha... When I feel very sad or disappointed, I will laugh and laugh. Laugh at myself. hahahahaha... I feel like I started to get confused about LOVE.
When you are unhappy, can you be understanding? I feel hard to do that. I started to shout and looking for other people so that I can swift my attention away from him. I feel better for a while but I started to miss him. A man who never has gf needs to learn a lot of things and adapt with the relationship. Don't know why I feel like it's hard for him to do that. hahahahaha...The more I laugh, the more painful my heart is. I feel very sleepy now. I wish I can hear his voice before I fall asleep but I don't think he will call me tonight. When you contribute more in your relationship, don't ever expect people will do the same to you. If not, you will feel like what I feel now. Zzzzzzzzz...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Flash Back

It had been a long time I didn't write here in my blog. I started to create blog all because of my "gardener". He started to write blog about 6 months ago, then he asked me to write blog too. Actually, I was very lazy to write because nobody will read my blog except him. After my "gardener" became my bf, he deleted his blog. Sigh. Actually, I love to read his blog although I was so jealous when he wrote about woman that he liked. He is on the way back here now. I think he will reach at his house around midnight. I can't meet him during Christmas because he will be very busy for 3 days. Sigh. Actually, I just met him on 7 Dec 2008. Oh my god! That was 16 days ago! Wow, I feel like I didn't meet him for months. I must be crazy. hahaha...
I still remember about what he "offered" to me before I went to Penang on 23 Oct 2008. He said if he has chance to be my "gardener", he will try his best to take a very good care of me. He will come back to meet me every month, he will buy car so that it will be convenient to come back here but sometimes he also will take bus since the fuel price was very high during that time. During my official trip to Penang, I met him on 24 Oct, we went for dinner and shopping for a very short while. I met him on 25 Oct, we were so lucky, although that day was weekend but we still can get a karaoke room in RED BOX! It had been more than 2 years I didn't go to sing karaoke. That was my first time sing in RED BOX. We had buffet dinner but I don't really have appetite to eat during that time. Actually, it was a bit weird to sit in a karaoke room with a man who is not my bf but slowly we feel comfortable with each other and enjoy our singing. I never imagine how is his voice when he is singing. I thought he will just simply sing same like my other friends but that night I really surprised that he really can sing well and I like his voice. He also surprised that I don't just sit there but I can sing too. That night, I feel he likes me but I just kept quiet and pretended that I don't know anything about his feeling.
On 26 Oct, he called me. I said I have to meet my close friend in the evening and he agreed to meet me after I met my close friend. It was around 10pm, he reached and picked me up. Since there was nowhere to go, we went to the beach nearby. We walked a bit far from each other. We sat down beside the sea and talked. I was thinking that he likes me but I felt that it is not so good to ask him directly. So, I changed the question. I asked, "Why you came to meet me eventhough you are staying far away?" He kept quiet for a while and answered, "because I like you." I felt like I was dreaming. May be because it was very late already and I was very tired since I had been working very hard during daytime. Then, I was so confused and dizzy. I said I had forgotten that I still have bf. He was so disappointed. We hold hands, I said actually I really like him. I was so happy because the man that I like has the same feeling to me.
On 27 Oct, we had breakfast together. The breakfast tasted bad but we felt so sweet when holding hands. He was very happy. I never see him looks very happy like that before this. I also felt very happy, I felt like a secondary school student who just started to involve in relationship. I left Penang in the afternoon and I reached here at night. My bf had been waited for me at my work place for many hours. When I saw him, I felt like came back to my normal life. When I was on the way back to my house, I was very tired since I walked up and down and carried a lot of heavy things. I tried to forget "gardener" because my bf kept telling me how much he missed me and how terrible his life without me for a few days. He helped me a lot when I reached at my work place. I felt thankful to him. Althought I was very disappointed with my bf but it was very hard to leave him. I can't blame him because I know I just can blame myself. I was very wrong. I am the person who pampered him too much. I made him became very depending on me. I planned everything for our future. Sigh.